


Remember me

by schrijverr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dean Remembers Hell and Falling in Love with Castiel there, Episode: s04e01 Lazarus Rising, Getting Together, M/M, S4E01, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22962985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: A destiel re-write of 4x01, Lazerus rising, in which Dean remembers Cas from the time the angel spent in Hell rebuilding his body and falling in love.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 127





	Remember me

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe you know that post that's like 'Maybe Cas is always so close to Dean and staring at him, because they fell in love in Hell together and he is willing him to remember' and I was like 'what if he does?' so when I was rewatching the show I this idea formed and now it's here

Slice

Cut

Pierce

Slash.

Dean wasn’t seeing, he was going through the motions.

Just another soul, just another eternity. Hellfire burned, but he was used to it.

He just went through the motions.

Slice

Cut

Pierce

Slash.

He was focusing so much on not seeing what he was doing that he missed the bright light until it was creating shadows out of fire. He whipped his head around and saw, he saw the most beautiful thing ever created. He didn’t know what it was, but it shone pure light and glowed fiercely while it cut through Hells defenses like it was nothing. 

It came closer and closer and Dean, Dean couldn’t do a thing except watch. Slowly the knife he was holding slipped out of his hands and he let his mouth hang open in wonder as he watched this indescribable creature. 

When it was close enough he heard it whisper, the voice was deep, but it rang through Deans head like a bell, it whispered: “Come with me.”

And Dean did, he let the tug in his stomach pull him forward into the embrace of this unknown being. The being wrapped him up in its light and moved away from the horror Dean had been surrounded by. Dean could only watch in wonder as the being carried him out of Hell like it was nothing.

But the road was long and a day on earth is four months in Hell. So as the being carried Dean it said: “My name is Castiel. I am an angel of the Lord, I have come to save you and rebuilt your body.”

“An angel?” Dean breathed in wonder.

“Yes, an angel.” Castiel said.

And that is how they met. 

~

Every day they grew closer, they watched each others backs and would keep up the chatter while Castiel built. Until one day the angel told Dean: “Dean, did you know that you have 4,892 freckles?”

Dean had laughed a confused: “No.”

“Would you like to keep them all?” Castiel had asked.

“Could you make them disappear?” Dean had asked in return.

The angel had answered: “If you wish so, I could. Do you?”

Dean had shrugged: “I don’t know, man. What do you think?”

“I think they suit you.” The other had answered and Dean had kept all his freckles.

~

Later Dean had asked: “It feels weird to refer to you as just it or something. What should I call you?”

“I have no preference for any human pronoun, refer to me as you wish.” the angel had answered.

“Okay, I’m gonna go with he, alright? I never had many male friends, so that’s nice?” Dean had said, then he had laughed at the absurdity of the statement.

~

“Dean, you have sustained serious damage in your liver and lungs. Smoking and drinking is bad for you, did you know that?” Castiel had said.

“I know, but in my defense I stopped smoking out of high-school, so that’s just unfair.” Dean had pouted.

Castiel had proceeded to scold him for the harms of different substances before saying he would remove the damage.

~

“Cas?” Dean asked.

The angel answered: “Yes, Dean.”

“What could even kill an angel?” 

“Are you planning to kill me, Dean?” Castiel countered with a smile.

“No, no, of course not!” Dean rushed to assure him, “Just curious, I guess.”

“It’s alright.” Cas said, “The only thing that can kill an angel is an angel blade.”

“What’s an angel blade?” Dean asked.

“A blade forged and used by angels and angels only.” Cas explained.

Dean frowned and said: “Is Ruby’s knife an angel blade?”

“No I would survive a stab with it.” Cas said.

“Awesome.” 

~

“Do you wish to keep your scars?” Cas asked.

“The ones from the Hellhound?”

“No, the others ones. I could give you a clean slate if you want, but maybe you would rather keep your body as it was.”

“I would like to keep my scars, makes me manly.” Dean grinned, “Right, Cas?”

“Of course, right.”

~

And slowly Castiel had become Cas, consulting had become talking, surviving had become living and friends had become lovers, but the journey was coming to an end. Dean would enter his new Castiel-made body in a few moments and then he would be free from Hell. 

Before he could go he asked: “Will I remember you?”

He had refrained from asking, because he had been scared of the answer. A fear that might be correct. Cas answered: “I do not know, Dean. Your memories of Hell could be wiped as you enter your body, but they could also remain.”

“Will you come find me when I’m topside? Come help me remember, in case I forgot?” Dean asked, voice vulnerable. 

“If I can, I will come for you, but I do not know what my higher-ups want me to do. The next time I’m on earth could be well past your lifetime.” Cas answered truthfully with pain in his voice.

Dean was near tears as he said: “I don’t want to forget this, forget us. You are what I’ve been missing and I cannot lose this. You have to make sure, I’ll remember.”

“My grace is already intertwined with your being, but I shall leave a mark that is visible for you. To jog your memories, just in case you forgot.” Cas said.

Dean smiled: “Thank you, Cas. I’ll see you topside.”

“Till then, Dean” the angel answered and then Dean was crossing over to his body.

~

Dean woke up with a gasp, his mouth was dry and his throat wasn’t used to air passing through. His screams for help were hoarse. 

Dean felt his pockets for something useful and was glad when his fingers stumbled upon a lighter that worked. When he realized where he was he murmured to himself: “Dammit, Cas, couldn’t you’ve dropped me somewhere else?”

The moment he had said it he gasped. He remembered Cas, he hadn’t forgotten. The crushing fear of uncertainty was replaced by the bubbly happy feeling, remembering brought him. It gave him the strength to bust out of his grave.

Once he was out he looked at the trees surrounding his grave (oh damn that was a strange thought). Still he whistled impressed by the display of his lovers power. Although he couldn’t help whispering: “Drama queen.”

He shook his head and focused on making a list of priorities. First he had to find his way back to people, then he had to find something to eat and drink, then he had to find Sammy and let him know that he was fine and after all that he could figure out how to contact Cas again.

He wanted his first priority to be his angel, but he was starving and he couldn’t go after Cas without making sure Sammy was okay, besides Sammy had the smarts to find Cas, he reasoned. He said: “Sorry Cas, gotta find my brother first.” to the air.

It had become a habit to make little comments to Cas, so unconsciously it had slipped out of Dean. When he realized what he had done he paused for a second, then shrugged and continued walking along the stretch of empty road. It didn’t harm anyone, so what did it matter?

He found a small gas station and stole some food, drink and money. 

He also found the hand print on his shoulder and smiled to himself as he traced the outline. It was an obviously male hand, it seemed Cas had embraced the ‘he’ that Dean had called him. Dean blushed a bit, when he realized that the hand print was a claim on him. He said: “Really, Cas? What is this, a fricking angel hickey?”

Just when he was busy stealing the money from the cash register, the whole building started to shake, for a moment he thought it was Cas, but he quickly threw out the thought when he heard the piercing sound. Cas had a nice and deep voice, this was not a nice sound or deep.

As fast as it has come it went, leaving Dean confused and alone once more. 

He shook the confusion off and called Bobby when he couldn’t reach Sam, but the man wouldn’t believe it was him, which was fair considering everything, but very inconvenient at the moment. As he hung up he sighed: “Well that went well, eh, Cas.”

Then he stole a car and made his way over to the older hunters house.

~

Bobby didn’t know who the person in front of him was. It’s Dean, sure. He did the tests and the boy passed them all, but it was different. Of course Bobby knew that Hell changes a person, it would be even more crazy if it hadn’t, but this was just weird. 

After Bobby had accepted that it was Dean, he asked after Sammy, which was in character for him, but then he started talking about this Cas person. It started when Bobby had asked how he had gotten out and Dean had briskly answered: “Cas” before picking up the phone to call the phone company.

Once they had Sams location Bobby tried again: “So who is this Cas? And how did he get you out? And why?”

“Cas is a dorky dude, okay? He’s harmless, I mean come on, his favourite animal is a bee.” Dean replied with an eyeroll, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Well that answers exactly nothing.” Bobby shot back.

Dean sighed and suddenly he seemed years older. He looked over at Bobby and said: “Forget it, okay? If I tell you, you won’t believe me. He came to get me out and he did. I might never see him again, I’m gonna try, but that don’t mean it’s gonna work. He has higher-ups to answer to and he might never come back. So for now, lets just focus on finding Sam and seeing what the Hell he’s been up to since I kicked the bucket.”

After that Bobby decided that it might be better to leave the subject alone for now, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t think about it and to try to come up with a solution to find Deans friend and potentially dangerous creature.

~

Dean was getting pretty tired of getting attacked with knives by people he loves. First it was Bobby and now Sammy. At least the kid was getting laid. It would have been extra sad if Deans death had lead to Sam becoming an old spinster.

Luckily Bobby was there to diffuse the situation and soon Dean was pulled against his brothers chest. The chick left and Sam asked what had happened to him and how he had gotten out, which was another thing he was tired of talking about. He honestly didn’t know, he felt so confused. He was sure Cas was real and therefore angels as well, but what if they weren’t? He thought about what had happened at the gas station. What if it was something else that had gotten him out, something evil, something dark. Not the bright light that he associated with Cas. 

Besides that there was the fact that Cas was a dude, well not really, he was celestial waves or something, but in Deans mind Cas was he and he had talked about Cas to Bobby as if Cas was a he and he wasn’t going to change that. But their relationship hadn’t been platonic and although he was pretty sure Bobby and Sam wouldn’t care, pretty sure just wasn’t enough. Not enough with the uncertainty around it all.

So he answered: “It was Cas, if we want more answers than that we need to find him.”

Sams brow furrowed as he asked: “Well how are we going to do that? And why do you know this guy’s name?”

“Well, maybe we had a chat on the way up and he happened to mention it.” Dean snapped.

“You remember Hell?” Sam replied immediately.

Dean silently cursed himself and lied: “No, not really, okay. Just Cas. He left me this.”

He shrugged off his flannel and showed them the hand print. He didn’t want to show them the angel hickey (oh go he really shouldn’t refer to it as that in his head, because he had almost no filter) because it was something private, but if it kept Sammy and Bobby of his back he’s just had to bear it.

It seemed like Bobby knew someone who could help, so they were on their way, before Dean got into the Impala he looked to the heavens and whispered: “I’m gonna find you, Cas, don’t worry.”

Then he got into the car to bitch to Sam about what he had done to his beautiful baby.

~

Dean didn’t know what to do with Pamela’s advances, on any given day he would have been flirting back, but that was before Hell, before Cas. Yet, he knew that of he didn’t Sam would be suspicious. He was thorn for a second and decided that Cas was worth the interrogation and steered the conversation away in such a manner that made it clear he wasn’t interested. Something that earned him two raised brows from Sam.

They were sitting around her table and she was trying to pinpoint Cas’s location, or at least that’s what Dean hoped. She said: “Castiel?”

“Yeah, that’s him. Did you get him?”

“Almost, he’s a fighter that’s for sure.” She said.

“Maybe you shouldn’t do this, Pamela.” Bobby cut in.

Dean gave him an angry look, but before he could tell Bobby where to shove it Pamela said: “He’s telling me to back off and not look at his true form.”

Dean frowned, he had no problem with seeing Cas, but that was in Hell, so maybe it would be different here. He said: “Maybe you should listen?”

“No, I almost got him.” She replied.

And that was enough for Dean to shut up. Pamela would know what she was doing, right? Besides if it was Cas, he wouldn’t hurt her. He was gentle and kind, but then again, he had warned her to stay away. Would it be dangerous?

Before he could tell Pamela to stop, that it wasn’t worth it, that it could be dangerous, that they should listen to Cas. It was already too late. Pamela was screaming, her eyes burning. 

Dean could only look with a horrified look on his face. This wasn’t Cas, it couldn’t be. Doubt overcame him again. What if he had bought into a lie, what if Cas wasn’t who he said he was, what if Dean was a fool and some evil douche bag was laughing at him somewhere?

He just sat there as a statue while Sam and Bobby rushed to Pamela’s aid. After they had found that she was perfectly fine, except for the eyes, they turned back to Dean. Bobby was the first to speak: “What the Hell have you gotten yourself into now?”

With scared eyes Dean looked at Bobby and said: “I don’t know, Bobby, I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m going to get Pamela here to the ER, just in case. You boys better lay low for a while and don’t do anything stupid. Understand?” Bobby said.

Both boys nodded, then looked at each other while the door slammed closed in the background. Dean asked: “Pie?”

Yeah, he was an emotional eater, sue him, it was his least unhealthy coping mechanism.

Sam rolled his eyes: “Sure.”

~

The whole thing in the diner calmed Deans concerns about Cas down. I mean if there’s anything demons would fear, it be angels, right. Besides Dean had seen himself how easily Cas had taken the demons in Hell down. So Dean said aloud: “Sorry for doubting you.”

Sam gave him a weird look and Dean shrugged: “Guess going to Hell makes you the praying type.”

Sam started to say something, but thought the better of it and just got into the car.

They checked into a motel and decided to wait, for now. At least Pamela was mostly okay, that was something. It didn’t help with the guilt in Deans gut, however.

That night Dean woke up because someone was knocking on the door. Groggily he looked up and saw Sams bed empty, the kid must have wanted a drink and forgotten the keys or something. Dean opened the door, but it wasn’t Sammy who was standing there, it was Bobby.

Concern crept up Deans spine, so he called Sam. He heard the kid tell him about a burger he wanted and immediately knew it was a lie, but he had been lying too, so he led it slip. He had something more important to do, at least if he could convince Bobby.

“Bobby, we need to summon Cas” he said.

“Are you insane, Dean?” Bobby said, “Pamela barely looked at the thing and her eyes are gone. Trying to summon him would be madness.”

“It’s Cas.” Dean practically yelled.

“You say that like that means something.” Bobby shot back, “You come back out of no where and suddenly you're borderline obsessed with a thing that isn’t human and supposedly got you out the Pit. I mean, you even have a nickname for the guy. Don’t you find that suspicious? Use your brains, boy.”

Dean floundered for a second, then he decided that he needed Bobby to help him, so he said: “Bobby, you don’t understand. I know Cas, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t do that. I just need to see him, just to make sure. Please, Bobby.”

And if Bobby wasn’t so familiar with Deans body language and heartbreak, he wouldn't have recognized the look on Deans face, but he did and suddenly it became clear; Dean needed to make sure the person he loved wasn’t gone or evil. So Bobby sighed and said: “Alright, but we are warding the place so heavily that it will survive the Apocalypse.”

Dean smiled: “Thank you, Bobby.”

“Don’t mention it, idjit.”

~

Bobby had done the summoning ritual and now they were waiting. It was taking suspiciously long and just when Dean had made a comment about the waiting time the roof started shaking. Dean and Bobby shared a look, then the front door of the barn burst open and a dude in a trench coat walked in.

The man started walking forward as the lights burst above his head. Bobby started shooting at the man, but he didn’t slow down. Dean just stared at him and Bobby yelled: “You recognize him?”

Dean shook his head and looked down at Ruby’s knife, in his head he apologized to Cas, then he stabbed the man. If he survived then it could be Cas and at least it wouldn’t be a demon. The man didn’t seemed fazed by the knife, he just pulled it out and gave Dean a look. With a deep voice he said: “Dean, it is me.”

Deans bottom lip wavered, he wanted it to be true so badly, but everything that had happened in the last 24 hours had just added so much uncertainty in his head. He bit his lip to stop the movement and said: “Prove it.”

The man nodded solemnly and said: “You have 4,892 freckles.”

Dean face lit up, while Bobbys eyebrows rose up to his hairline (that was pretty specific information to have). The trench coated man got pulled into a hug by Dean. While that happened Bobby asked: “Dean hasn’t said, so what are you, cause you ain’t human that much I know.”

The lights burned bright suddenly and two shadows appeared on the was behind Cas, the shadows of wings. His eyes glowed as he said: “I am an angel of the Lord.”

Dean smiled to himself as he saw flashes of the Cas he knew and fell in love with. The memory brought another question to him mind and he asked: “What’s with the holy tax accounted look?”

Cas looked down to his body and patted it down a bit self conscious, he had tried to find a male vessel that was Deans type, but he knew it wasn’t his body. He said: “This is a vessel.”

With a betrayed voice Dean said: “You’re possessing some poor bastard?”

Cas said: “His name is Jimmy Novak, he’s a devout man. He actually prayed for this. I wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t necessary, but my true form can be too much to handle for some people, you know what my voice did to that gas station and my body to Pamela.”

“The gas station was you?” Dean asked.

“Yes, my true form is perceived differently on this plane of existence.” Cas said.

Bobby decided to insert himself into the conversation: “So you’re the idjit that pulled this other idjit out of the Pit?”

“That would be correct.” Cas said.

“Care to explain why you undertook that action.” Bobby said, “Unless it was from to goodness of your heart.”

“Bobby.” Dean said, “Don’t do this, man.”

“No, Dean, I want to know what powers are at play and why they’ve made the moves they made.” Bobby countered.

Dean wanted to argue some more, but Cas cut in and said: “No, it is very understandable that he questions my motives and I have to admit, I’m not just here for connection, but on business as well.”

Dean fell silent at that and Bobby nodded: “So, why did you pull him out, not that I’m not grateful or anything.”

“I pulled him out, because God commanded it.” Cas said as if was the most normal thing to say.

“Why? Why would God give a rats ass about me?” Dean asked, silently wondering why he never asked Cas about this while in the Pit.

Cas scrunched up his eyebrows and cocked his head to the side as he said: “You don’t think you deserve to be saved?” Dean stayed silent and Cas went on: “I thought you would have lost a bit of your self doubt with the love I poured into you.”

Dean blushed deeply and looked away from the piercing blue eyes, but by doing so he met Bobbys eyes. Bobby quirked an eyebrow at him, saying everything without words. Dean mumbled a “shut up” to the older hunter.

“When did you two even met.” Bobby commented in return.

“Yesterday.” the angel answered and Dean gave him a confused look as he asked: “Yesterday? It feels like I’ve known you for months.”

“You have.”

“But you just said-”

“A day here, is four months downstairs.”

“So,” Bobby concluded, “four months, since yesterday.”

Cas nodded, while Dean tried to wrap his head around it all. Luckily Bobby wasn’t so easily distracted by everything and he barreled on: “You said you were here on business. What’s the business.”

Cas turned to Dean and said: “We have work for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I live for kudos and comments, so thank you so so much if you left any! :)


End file.
